Monday, November 7, 2011

...don't give up until you drink from the silver cup.

Lonely.

I have discovered that during these past few weeks, I have been very lonely. Not for lack of friends. Not for lack of stimulating conversation. Not for lack of joy.

For the lack of someone who knows me and someone with whom I do not have to explain myself. A reference from a book I’ve been reading—“Telling Secrets” by Frederick Buechner—sums up what I’ve been feeling: “Man’s greatest desire is to know and be known.” And somehow, in this loneliness, I am reminded of God’s habit to come to us in our humility, reminding us of the open arms waiting, just waiting, for our return. And ultimately that is WHOM we want to be known by, surely. What fleeting emotion could be greater than the joy that comes with the knowledge that we are known by the one who created us, shaped us, and loved us first? Loneliness in and of itself is, albeit, uncomfortable. But it is in those times of discomfort, of sadness, of restlessness, that God comes to us. Our hour of need is His shining moment. What a redemptive thought. I am tired of being lonely, but I also know that these are the days for me to look out with expectant joy and delight at the coming of my Lord to my cry for a friend, my cry for a soul who knows mine.

I cannot wait to know.

I cannot wait to be known.

I cannot wait to be home.





Machine Gun Preacher:

…thoughts on “Machine Gun Preacher”, the new film concerning the life work of Sam Childers and his mission in Sudan and Uganda.

I went into the theatre expecting the main ethical debate to be focused around the vigilante stance that Childers takes on defending his orphanage against Joseph Kony and the LRA—the “spilling blood for the sake of the Lord”, and as Childers puts it in his own words “…if your child was taken, and I was the one who was going to bring him home, does it matter how I get him home?” However, I surprised myself by getting caught up in the ethical issue of his work coming before his family. The struggle between what he had experienced and what he wanted to experience was brilliantly played out—I appreciated the vulnerability that the scriptwriter added there. Human emotion—raw and expressive, always messy and unscripted, tended to be a major theme in the film. The movie as a whole was very thought provoking and offered more questions than answers at the end, but as one of my friends here mentioned on the subway ride home: “How can we view something like that, come away with a knowledge, and not do anything about it?” The evil we have to be most guarded against in this world is not the faceless evil in the dark, but the indifference of good men.

The movie spanned the life of Childers, not hesitating to include the beginning of his story that involved drug and alcohol abuse, and the brutal stabbing of a car hijacker. However, the scenes in Africa were what made me shudder the most—raping and kidnapping in villages, child soldiers shooting guns that were bigger than them, and the especially gripping scene of a pile of bodies (a group of children that could not fit in the back of the truck when they were discovered—Childers said he’d be back for them in a few hours) that lie burning in an open field, victims of the LRA’s killing spree. The movie was brutal and hard to watch at times, but eye-opening and allowed an opportunity to feel, be enraged by what is happening in Africa now. Splendidly done, hard to watch, thought provoking—I’d highly recommend it, but it is not for the faint of heart.

"If we allow ourselves to be full of hate, then they've won - you must not let them take your heart.” –William, a Sudanese child and friend of Childers.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Renewal…In Times of Peace and Times of Chaos

Ireland is amazing. I blessed in too many ways to count, but I repeat my words of praise every moment I can. The landscape is visibly, gently carved by the hand of God. The people reflect Him in their laughter, the light in their eyes, and the spirit of their manner. The air always carries a breeze, like a long, embracing hug, everlasting in that peaceful moment. Ah yes, I’m here.

I have been stretched in many ways during this trip: as a leader, as a student, as a coworker, as an individual. And a thought crept up on me today during my daily “seaside stroll”—I have been praying for renewal in my spiritual life, for a consuming fire, and a spirit of thirst. All this while, I have been discouraged by the lack of a “thunderous” response to my surely humble plea.

Yet once more, God brought me to a place of learning and mercy—and showed me where I stand, corrected. Today I realized that while the “high moments on mountain-tops” are glorious, and should be appreciated; we can always display a spirit of renewal, through willingness and humility. Even at our low points, in the dark moments, when we are most lonely, we can have a spirit of renewal—renewal of hope, of dependence on God, of strength through weakness, of persistence; renewal of glory.

This renewal, this refresh, this revitalization… it happens wherever we chance to seek it out, in times of chaos—alluding somewhat to life here on the island—and in times of peace, places to revive us again.

I’m not on a mountaintop right now. I’m not close to the heavens. All I see is an impossible pass. A long journey. But what I feel? A renewal of mercy. A renewal, a reason to take up my cross and carry on. A renewal to live.

I miss my Taylor friends and my family, but I know I’m here for “such a time as this”…So here I’ll stay, until called home.

Love to all!

E

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Broken Alabaster


This quote was recently given to me and it has resonated more within me in a few weeks than I was ever expecting:

"God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever." (Vance Havne)

This image of perfection—through bitter brokenness—has been played through time and again during my recent arrival in Ireland. I have seen the beautiful face of my Creator cry through pungent testimonies. I have heard His heavy heart beating with the revealing and breaking down of every heart-wall. I have witnessed the pain and sorrow and strife that He has suffered every time I saw an open wound be exposed—physically, emotionally, spiritually. I have seen the face of my Creator. And I have wept.

The most beautiful image I have seen so far in my life is when the broken body of Christ comes together, returning to “greater power than ever.” And for that, I am thankful. And for that, I whisper words of praise. The Body may be broken, but the Spirit is not—and the Spirit is strong.

The vulnerability and honesty and transparency I have been blessed to witness this week has absolutely humbled me. I am reminded once again that I have only praise for my God and that I need to return more than I do to thank Him for the miracle of His love for my life. I am honored to be a part of this journey in Ireland with these freshman, and utterly terrified by the fact that I am responsible to lead and serve and protect. I am thankful that I was brought back and I am being reminded of how much I need my Redeemer.

I know I don’t thank you enough, but tonight Father, I am on my knees in humble adoration of your love. And tonight I’m thanking you.

The seasons are forgot
I found myself alone
In the Shadow of my past
Where a broken reed won't last.
It took me by surprise
The day I felt demise
A value I held high
Now lost into the night

As heaven is above us
And east is far west
How great is Your love for us
How vast is Your great love?

My mind is wearing thin
In my brokenness and sin
I know you say I'll change
But inside i feel the same
I close my eyes this time
To feel your heart in mine
I just want to be someone
That truly loves your Son.

As heaven is above us
And east is far west
How great is Your love for us
How vast is Your great love?

It's Your love
It's what I need
It's Your love
It's what I need

As heaven is above us
And east is far west
How great is Your love for us
How vast is Your great love?

Friday, January 28, 2011

J-Term breaking in Iowa...=)

Hello all!

Well, a bit of time has past since I last took to this.
However, to save face in my apparent lack of blogging skills, I will tell you, I have written three other blogs on my computer, but for some reason, they weren't the right ones to say. Not yet, anyway.

As for the up-dates, I really am in Iowa. Again. And it has been such a good break. Many thanks to Brit and her family.
Just finished with J-term, and for what it's worth, it was intensive. But fun. Campus sure feels different with half of our student population gone, but different in a good way. It's quiet and a little more calm than normal. Ah.

I'm gearing up for spring semester. Should be exciting--Research in Psychology, Ethics in Psych., Phys. Geography, Modern Middle East, and two leadership classes. Adding to that schedule, the equestrian team, work at the Writing Center, and a substitute life-guard for our new pool! Woot--and yet, very busy. I'm also gearing up for my spring break missions trip to Poland. I can't wait to see the change God will institute over that week, as well as before and after.




The truth I stumbled upon over J-term was a simple one, but also a hard one to come to terms with:
At the center of vulnerability is where holiness begins.

It's a tough concept, and one that many people wouldn't like to look in the eye (myself included).

So often, we assume we have everything under control and completely taken care of. And yet, so often, God gently brings us to our knees and holds us as we realize we have never held on to anything in our life. Its always been Him. And it always will be.
And at the center of meekness and humility, of vulnerability, where we are not tainted by our sins, where God has always had complete control over, that is where we begin to value that holiness, and the sanctity of His perfect life. In the middle of our soul, the place closet to our heart, the place we protect the most-and yet, somehow, the place we ourselves can never reach-THAT is where God finds us and reminds us that we belong to Him, a slave of righteousness. A slave of His endless, unconditional love.

So, the one place in our being that we will never reach, is the one place we know we will always find Him, waiting.
It's a scary feeling, an unscripted emotion, but one that is so worth seeking.

Attempt to be vulnerable today, and see where you find God.

Faithfully,
Erin

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Fall Breaking In Iowa! Where Are you...?

Hello There!

My, it has been a while, hasn’t it? Seeing as my last update was in June, I’m sure stuff has happened in-between. Hmmmm, let me think for a moment….

Well, July was pretty quite—housesat for 2 weeks for the Hogans and continued training for my second triathlon. Worked for Grovespring and tried to do some work on my on-line course, but that didn’t really happen…which meant that after my triathlon (on August 1st—a whole15 minutes faster than last year!), I spent the next two weeks crunching to get all of my Biblical Literature homework in on time. There were many late nights in those weeks and much help from mom (Thanks mom!). I somehow managed to get it all turned in, and after housesitting for another week for my boss, mom and I made a weekend trip to NYC! That was amazing and we were able to visit Zach and share a pizza with him. We also got to go to Ellis Island AND see the Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. So incredible. That was probably my favorite part. After a short week back home, I packed up and took a plane to Fort Wayne, Indiana, where my roommate, Nicole, picked me up. We made it to Taylor and unpacked our room (which feels pretty “cultured”—I think we have every continent represented in there…). We then started year 2 (or for me, 2 and ½) in Upland, IN!

My normal M/W/F looks like this:

8:00-World Literature
9:00-Breakfast
10:00-Chaps
11:00-Foundations of Psychology
12:00-Life Span Development
1:00-Lunch
2:00-Intermedite Spanish

(P.S. Officially changed my major to Psychology and minor to Political Science. That was such a good move—and my advisor is V. Maloney. He brings in M&M’s to class. That’s why we love him!)

I also work on Monday and Tuesday nights (at the Writing Center) and have my lesson (I’m on the equestrian team!) on Monday nights. Furthermore, I have a Lifeguard Training class at 6:30 a.m. (That’s right—in the morning!!) on Tuesdays.

It’s been good and crazy busy with Airband practices (2:00 a.m. to get a chance to practice on-stage?!), but now that that’s over, we’re all breathing a sigh of relief. While I’m thinking about it, youtube “Taylor University Ariband 2010 Hey Hey”. That was the song (by Superchic[k]) that my wing performed. But now that Airband and homecoming are over, we have a semi-normal schedule again.

Exciting things coming up…Our Hick-A-Date next Saturday! The boy I asked works with me in the Writing Center, so I figured I should ask him in a clever way—here’s what I did: I wrote him a (short) paper about why he should go with me. Yeah…It was tacky, but I did it and I’m proud of my work. I actually don’t really know him, but some girls on my wing do and they told me he’d be a great conversationalist. I knew he was working last Wednesday night, so I purposefully took that shift with him to catch him before he left. As he was getting ready to leave, I stopped him and asked him to edit this paper for me when he got the chance. I don’t think he had a clue as to what it really was. My paper had a heading “Erin Flathers, Creative Writing, 10/6/10, Paper One—Rough Draft”…and then the paragraph had all the details about the pick-a-date (pumpkin carving, pumpkin shooting, hayrides, horseback rides, corn hole, volleyball, etc). I didn’t give him a date to return it by, so this last week was…exciting, to say the least, while waiting for the news. Well, this past Wednesday I saw him at dinner and he told me that he had finished going over my paper and that he had put it back in my folder at the Writing Center. I high-tailed it to the library and checked my folder, where, lo and behold, my paper had been returned with edit marks and notes in the margins about where to use a word only once and so on. On the bottom of the paper he left a note about the paper overall (saying it was well written) and then at the very bottom of the paper, he drew a little arrow, indicating more on the back of the paper…which was his answer (yes!). Anyway, I think we’ll have a blast and I’m looking forward to shooting these pumpkins.

I’ve got some field trips and horse shows coming up that I’m also looking forward to, as well as real food at Thanksgiving break! This semester has flown by and it’s hard to believe it’s halfway through October! Some days fly by faster than others, and occasionally I just have to remind myself that it’s one foot in front of the other…but I always make it in the end.

I’m writing this from a farm in Iowa on fall break (although I have a test Monday I should really be studying for….). I went home with Brit (her farm, used to live on my wing), Carol (Brit’s roommate), and Meagan (My PA in Olson). We spent all yesterday roaming around the farm—racing over round bales, riding horses, wrestling hogs, driving the gator (and getting it stuck!), eating good food, and going to a local concert venue yester-evening (at the Stockyards!). Today we made 50 apple pies and drove over some of the property to take pictures (And I lost my camera—sad day!). We’ll had back to school tomorrow (6 ½ hour drive) after lunch to continue furthering our education! Ha…but really, we’ll work hard.

All my love!
-Rinny

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Indiana, Colorado, Virginia...!

Hello All!

It certainly has been a while…but not without sound justification. As soon as school ended, I really “hit the ground running” if you will. I had a few days at home before flying off to Colorado Springs to spend some quality time with my sister before heading to Summit (take-two). Caitlin and I had some good times in the Springs—while she worked (and worked out!), I was a bum. I waltzed around the Olympic Training Center like I owned it, I wined and dined with Michael Phelps (well, not really—it was more like he walked past me as I was chowing down on a Cliff Bar), and I met most of Caitlin’s great teammates. While she was working a few evenings in Josh and John’s Ice Cream Parlor, I enjoyed the “family discount” (a.k.a “free”) on many different flavors of cow custard, and then I strolled up and down Navjo Drive, Colorado Spring’s Main Street. Cute town. On Saturday night, we were able to get to Denver just in time for a wonderful dinner at the Lebanese restaurant she used to work at. The food was incredible and we were headed home with full tummies before we knew it. The next morning, she shipped me off to Manitou so I could sign-in for my Summit session (this time not arriving two days late!!). We parted ways and I began my (long) ascent to my room on the fourth floor. I was out of breath on my second step. How these people live with no oxygen is a miracle to me. Anyhoo, I made it up there and met my wonderful roommates (all of whom I still talk to at least three times a week). Summit was great the second time around—I really feel like I was able to absorb a lot more this time. It wasn’t quite as similar to “drinking from a fire hydrant” as it was last year. The speakers were wonderful and I enjoyed hearing a few from last year speak again. Manitou was a blast (as always) and I definitely helped their economy with my regular visits to the local ice cream shops. However, not much of the weight that I could have gained made it to my hips—between rock climbing, whitewater rafting, Frisbee, hikes, and the trek up to the hotel from the bottom of town, I did fairly well on ensuring my muscle maintenance. At the end of those two weeks, graduation was, well, bittersweet. I think everyone was ready to go home and get a good night’s rest, but with all of the new friends made, people were reluctant to leave. There were lots of hugs and tears and snapping pictures that were happening late Friday night. After catching the 6 o’clock bus on Saturday morning, I parted ways with good friends and beautiful country.

When I got home, I immediately started triathlon training, house-sitting, an on-line summer course, and work. Since then, I’ve been trying to catch my breath. In the near future, I’m looking forward to traveling to Illinois for Grandma’s birthday over the Fourth of July weekend, my second triathlon, a (albeit) short birthday trip to New York (5th Avenue, Brooklyn Tabernacle, Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, Ellis Island!), and then maybe an end-of-summer getaway to N.C. to visit Meghan, Jonathan, and those cute babies! Before I know it, I’ll be back at school and logging those long hours and late nights on homework (and a few shenanigans).

Well, since I managed to forget that I am in summer school until a few hours ago, I should go work on those projects.

Ciao!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Hello Rain

Greetings from a wet, dark Saturday afternoon in Upland!

The weather really has been a lot better recently, but this weekend, it decided it should rain. Oh well—I love the smell of rain.
This weekend has been a bit busy for me—I have homework out the wazoo (Paper and test on Monday, speech on Tuesday, test on Thursday, paper on Friday). I’ve been chipping away at it slowly, but still have lots left to do. I enjoyed a lacrosse game with one of the girl’s on my wing this morning, and then watched a few track events at our home meet today to cheer on some friends. Now I’m back to hitting the books (and I think they’re winning).

Last night, Laura and I ushered for the play “Crimes of the Heart” so that we could get free tickets to take some friends next weekend. Technically, we watched the whole show last night, and we decided that ushering is a good way to watch a play for free. We’re planning on helping out more in the future=)

Tomorrow, we’re having a Bro/Sis Wing cookout with our brother wing. That should be fun. The next weekend, Megan and I are racing in Taylor’s Taylathon Bike Race. We’re secretly hoping for a few scars from it…The weekend after that, Megan and I are heading up to Grand Rapids to run in the Fifth Third River Bank 5k. It’ll be good to get away a bit before finals.
Well, I am all registered for classes for next semester—looks like I will be taking Principles of Genetics, College Chemistry, Foundations of Psychology, Intermediate Spanish, and Lifeguard Training. Also, I will be an official member of the equestrian team!

I know this was short—but unfortunately, I still have that mountain of papers to start going through. I know it’ll be over before I know it, but for now, I’m just gonna keep living one day at a time.

Enjoy this springtime!

-Rinny